I wear my heart on my sleeve. It is right there, always catching on doorjambs, getting rained on. It gets hurt when the coffee spills, burning it to the center. Brush it off and get back to the business of living; my little battered heart in tow. Each time I change my shirt I peel off my heart and set it on my dresser. I see it still beating. Still pink with life. And I shower and put on my new sweater, my old heart.
It knows all of my secrets. Where the things that really hurt me hide. My little heart has known me my whole life. It watched me fall, and break. It's been there when I triumph, pumping my fist into the air with that whoosh of hope that shoots through a soul like firecrackers into a dark night.
It is the eternal optimist, this little heart of mine. Waking up every morning, renewed. Vowing to beat with the precision of a pendulum. Reminding me that we have only 2.5 billion beats together. Each one unique marking the passage of time. A beat I'll never get back. A second I can't rewind. A memory to be labeled, and filed away in the never-ending memory of my heart.
I wear my heart on my sleeve. For you to see. For me to know. That without love, there is no reason to breathe, to live, to be. I wear my heart on my sleeve because I will always offer it, no matter the risk, to someone I love.
Monday, December 28, 2009
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Oh Shit. I forgot to be good.Oh Shit, it's Christmas Eve! And I haven't finished shopping. Or making fudge. Or cleaning. Or resting.
OR I could drink a huge glass of something yummy and watch a cheesy movie and lose myself in the big bed and all the pillows.
But no. I will commercialize the shit out of this Christmas. I will say, wow, look at these prices and toss things into a cart. I will wrap with dollar store paper and bows and ribbons. I will package up that not yet made fudge that I will make with my own two hands.
I will visit my parents on Christmas, and get to see my Grandmom, Aunts, Uncles, and cousins that I rarely get to see because have you noticed? The world moves too fast and we are all too busy.
I will wake up Christmas morning at home, with my son, and look at the snow that may be with us until Groundhogs day.
I will get ready and make the drive to my parents house to be greeted by the smell of whatever they are cooking and see that the windows are foggy and the tree is lit and the presents are set out neatly.
We will gather around the tree and then it will be Christmas.
But no. I will commercialize the shit out of this Christmas. I will say, wow, look at these prices and toss things into a cart. I will wrap with dollar store paper and bows and ribbons. I will package up that not yet made fudge that I will make with my own two hands.
I will visit my parents on Christmas, and get to see my Grandmom, Aunts, Uncles, and cousins that I rarely get to see because have you noticed? The world moves too fast and we are all too busy.
I will wake up Christmas morning at home, with my son, and look at the snow that may be with us until Groundhogs day.
I will get ready and make the drive to my parents house to be greeted by the smell of whatever they are cooking and see that the windows are foggy and the tree is lit and the presents are set out neatly.
We will gather around the tree and then it will be Christmas.
Copied from my previous blog...
friday, november 7, 2008
through the eyes of a scope
This picture is about a small party of my job. I can't tell you where I work, what we do, or even for who we do anything for. If I tell you anything, I'd have to kill you.
It's secret squirrel.
You see and meet some pretty interesting people. I'm around a lot of testosterone and hear lots of "bedside stories". It's an interesting job and it's a fun job. I've met well over 6,000 people from all over these fine
It's "good to go".............
Karen M Jett 0 comments 
thursday, october 23, 2008
Words are like toothpaste
Words are like toothpaste.
Once you squeeze the toothpaste out, you can't get it back in.
This is the same for words.
Once you say them, you can't take them back and you can't get them back in.
Metaphor - is language that directly compares seemingly unrelated subjects. This according to Wikepedia.
I was having a conversation last night about a person with such little "tact", delivery of the message, etc. that it causes people to somehow not have any respect for them. Being in the actual line of fire of this person, I know exactly how everyone feels.
Yet, he asks what am I doing wrong? I think, he doesn't really want to go there. But again I hear the words, what could I being doing wrong? Okay, you asked.
Long story short, in the end this person probably didn't hear two words I said. During this same conversatoin I said something like it doesn't matter anyway, the damage is done. It's kind of like toothpaste, his actions and words, once they are out, you can't get them back in. My son said that's a good metaphor, Mom. He can stop me dead in my tracks with a sentence like that! He knows that word??!! Not only does he know that word, he is applying correctly. WOW.
Words are like toothpaste could be a good rule to live by and remember.
Karen M Jett 0 comments
monday, september 29, 2008
......My son
God's ultimate gift to me. No one can change that or take that from me or even trade me for it. Nope, my gift - my son.
I love my son more than words can say. More than I can ever tell him and most definitely more than I could ever show him.
He's been a good kid, a good teenager and an now, an even better "young man". I was all ready for the "payback". You know, the payback you get when you aren't such a great kid, teenager or even "young person" yourself. The one your parents ALWAYS tell you, you'll get yours when you have your own children, you'll see. Wagging that finger in your face. I spent many years "waiting" for the axe to fall, when is he going to get bad?? Almost bringing it to myself by wishful thinking, for the love of God.
But alas, I am peaceful knowing he's a good man, he's a decent person with good manners and a good head on his shoulders. He knows right from wrong and he'll usually tell you about it. He's a good mix of his dad and me but more specifically - me. Just because we've always been together, never apart.
We've lived in some hellacious places I tell you. Places that if child custody knew where we lived, they'd have taken him from me. But, the good news is we've never looked back and we've never gotten worse. In fact, our lives has always improved. He reminded me of that just a couple of weeks ago. That no matter what, we've gotten better. Builds character in a person. When you come from nothing, nothing is all you have to compare it all to. When you come from a lot and wind up with nothing, devastation!! Can't say that about us.
Mind, body and soul.
He has always played the drums. Very few actual lessons, just a passion. Currently, he is especially interested in his band. Altered State. I get to listen to them practice every night. Their music is, well, it's music that you either like or hate. I don't really understand what they are saying and that's probably a good thing.
He keeps telling me when he makes it big some day, he's going to buy me a house and anything else I want.
And, I believe him.
Karen M Jett 0 comments
tuesday, august 19, 2008
song of the day and tomorrow and the next day......
song of the day........
Rare Earth - the band
1970 - the year
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QZsppOw2Mxk
I just want to celebrate another day of livin'
I just want to celebrate another day of life
I put my faith in the people
But the people let me down
So I turned the other way
And I carry on, anyhow
That's why I'm telling you
I just want to celebrate, yeah, yeah
I just want to celebrate, yeah, yeah
Another day of living, I just want to celebrate another day of life
Had my hand on the dollar bill
And the dollar bill blew away
But the sun is shining down on me
And it's here to stay
That's why I'm telling you I just want to celebrate, yeah, yeah
Another day of living, yeah
I just want to celebrate another day of living
I just want to celebrate another day of life
Don't let it all get you down,
Don't let it turn you around and around
And around and around
Well, I can't be bothered with sorrow
And I can't be bothered with hate, no, no
I'm using up my time by feeling fine, every day
That's why I'm telling you I just want to celebrate
Aw, yeah
I just want to celebrate yeah yeah
Another day of living, yeah yeah
I just want to celebrate another day of livin', yeah
I just want to celebrate another day of life
Don't let it all get you down, no, no
Don't let it turn you around and around,
And around and around, and around
Around round round 'round and around round round round don't go 'round
Karen M Jett 0 comments
wednesday, august 13, 2008
why "super" squirrel ?
so I have selected "super" squirrel as my picture for many and various, reasons.
first, I smile when I see this picture. The best reason.
next, the picture reminds me of my old boss; he was always "squirreling" something from someone. his first thought was always "what's in it for me?" you have to both admire and dislike that in a person.
further, it reminds me of some other people i know that could very well be in a first responder field. they are always "squirreling" emergency calls with the object of the game being to either be "first" on every emergency call or the person with the "most" emergency calls to their name. i never could understand this mentality and it makes me re-think my involvement with an emergency call type operation. The reason you might ask? the answer is simple......i could never get myself to believe i'd want to be "first" or "most" on anyone else's emergency situation. mostly because i think if they've called 911, it just can't be "good". makes sense now doesn't it?
in the end, when all else fails see my first reason for this post.
Life perfect Ain't perfect If you don't know what the struggles' for Falling down Ain't falling down If you don't cry when you hit the floor It's called the past cause I'm getting past And I ain't nothing like I was before You ought to see me now
-Alicia Keys: Lessons Learned
Karen M Jett 0 comments
monday, june 30, 2008
maiden name is langley.......
The reason I named this blog "maiden name is langley" is because I just came across a townhouse for sale in the
At which point I sent an e-mail to my entire immediate family letting them know this townhouse is for sale and it's on a street named langley!! I thought how fun it would be for all of us to buy this townhouse and then use it as a timeshare amongst all of us. I let them know this is my plan.
No response. From any of them.
I'm sure they are just thinking another one of her hair-brained ideas.
Sometimes hair brained ideas make a millionaire.
Karen M Jett 0 comments
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Eat, Pray, Love
-Maya Angelou
Love. And what is that about? The importance of love shining through it all? Through the gossip and bullshit and idiocy. Through the Tiger Woods scandal and troops deploying to Afghanistan. Through the economy woes and droughts and floods and hatred and hunger. There is, always flowing, this bright blue wave of love. Just pulsating around and in us hoping to be touched and held and accepted. Because if I learned anything from Sex and the City (the movie) it's that, "Love is the thing..."
And it is. It is the thing. Have you read "Eat, Pray, Love"? If you haven't, get a copy and thumb through it. I liked the bit where she says that all the wars in history have been fought over only two questions: Who is in charge here? and How much do you love me?
And how true is that? How much do you love me? I will go to war to prove my love for you. So answer me, how much do you love me? And so the stories go. And the wars are fought.
And true love waits. It is patient and kind the Corinthians say. It isn't boastful. It's just there, shimmering underneath the detritus of life. Shiny, and hopeful. Love waits.
And the older I get the more I know love. You can't hold it in your hands. You can't demand it stay. You can't bully it or compliment it into sticking around. No. Love is smarter than that. Love is smarter than us all. You must simply accept it.
Eat, Pray, Love
Monday, December 7, 2009
Facing facts, facing truths
Excerpt – The Language of Letting Go (author) Melody Beattie
For the last year or so I've read anything and everything I can on abuse recovery from a previous relationship. Not the physical abuse kind, the emotional abuse kind. The mind fucking kind. The "mind has been raped" kind. The ties that bind me like a chained animal. Can't quite break free till I get it all figured out.
Like anything else, abuse recovery is a process. A process you can't put a timetable to, or even know where you are in the different stages, or even "when" you should be. It is just what it is - a process.
Awareness - where you realize you've been abused and betrayed. Here I have found knowledge would be my only strong suit, my only friend. This is the point you realize the inevitable failure of every damn thing you've done - does not change a person. Here's where you realize you are just going to quit doing it.
Being Realistic - here's where you mourn the loss of memories of small laughs and shared experiences. My slow-healing emotional scars cause me to doubt and question the truth of the reality. This is basically where I found God, where I became reconnected with God I should say. Your mindset is that of the only real comfort you have knowing that a higher power is looking over you - because you simply don't know how you are going to get to the next day, hell the next minute.
Ground Rules - why can't we stay friends? That sentence infuriated me beyond all reasonable infuriations!! Why can't we stay friends? Because right now I can't stand the air your breathe. Pretty much answers my question. Oh, some rage starting to show in this stage. That's not pretty either. Not at all pretty. This is, and remains an important step towards my own recovery. Here's where I decided I was not going to participate in my own abuse.
Time is now my best friend. Time and distance have a wonderful way of bringing clarity to the situation. It’s the fastest way to heal.
I realize now the relationship was doomed to failure, but I didn't realize that until later.
Now I'm faced with another beast. Myself. My self esteem has been crushed, I was left feeling humiliated and now I'm walking down a path I never expected. I pay more attenton to my gut instincts and put any relationships on hold while I watch for more signs, determine the reality of the situation, and I'll protect myself more. Being aware of my vulnerabilities will make me a whole lot smarter next time I run into one of "them".
The best gift I can give myself will be my own self sufficiency. Taking charge of my life will bring the reward of Peace of Mind.
