The problem with Toasters...

I have finally arrived at a point where I accept that, to my ex, to my mind raping narcissistic ex, I was just a toaster. A toaster, meaning a toaster on the kitchen counter.

Where I used to think that he is still thinking of me, I have come to a place where I realize he is not. Who still thinks of their old, broken toaster that they put out for the garbage man long, long ago? You don't. You just toss it out, replace it, and never think of the old one again as long as you have a current toaster "doing the job".

I no longer hurt about this or have trouble accepting this. It is not about me. It is about his disorder. It is not personal. Again, do you really think about nurturing your toaster each day, asking your toaster how it is feeling, and tending to its emotional needs?

I realize I was a toaster long before I actually spoke up and didn't want to be a toaster anymore. As soon as he had me secured, as soon as he had me "plugged in" along with all of the other "useful" electronics, appliances, and tools in his life, he quit tending to me on an emotional level. He never really "maintenanced" me on an emotional level, anyway. He only faked those feelings until I was securely "in his kitchen".

However, in reflection, I do remember him having a problem with me waking up and "smelling the coffee". He had a problem when I finally realized I did not want to be anyone's toaster, that I wanted a partnership of equals between warm-blooded human beings.

Instead of just letting the toaster sit outside and wait for the garbage man, he had to start devaluing the toaster. He had to tell me how inferior I was to the other toasters out there. He then became emotional with the toaster and started telling it how defective it was.

See, that is the problem with toasters. Instead of just putting the "defective" appliance outside and going on, he has to take a knife to the toaster first and damage it. He has to get a hammer out and start smashing it to bits.

See the irony? I am just a toaster. Put myself out and let me you move on please. No. That is when he gets really crazy. Who smashes up and gets hostile and demeaning and cold with toasters that no longer work for you?

Moral of the story? I accept I was a toaster to him. I will patiently wait outside for the garbage man to pick me up and remove me from his life, drive me off to a better place where I am me and not an appliance.

I will go without much fuss and realize that fighting back with this crazy person demeaning an appliance will never make him see I am more than a toaster. No matter what he says, no matter if he tells me that he could never live without a toaster like me, that I was the best toaster, realize that eventually I will be devalued once again and placed on the curb waiting for the garbage truck.

So instead I will go quietly on the garbage truck, laughing to myself about this idiot assclown saying cruel things to a toaster, trying to make the toaster believe how insignificant it was in the kitchen.

I will have the last laugh.